thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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