Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
