I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
