I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
