i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
