I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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