I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How naked do you want me to be?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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