This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
