if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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