I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
