i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
