So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
