I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
