I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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