She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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