so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
