strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
