I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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