We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
