i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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