You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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