i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
