So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what day is it and did you see me today?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
