Please, let me fuck your mom
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
