I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
