I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
