why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize