I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
