he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
