she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
