So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
