I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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