does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
