i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
