took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
