worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
