just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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