Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
