she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
