put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
