she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize