You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
