4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
two words: eviction party
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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