in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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