Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We smell like vodka and hangover
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