That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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