In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we're so committed to being not committed
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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