Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
