if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize