Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
