You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
