You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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