Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize