You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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