I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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