I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
