Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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