marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
