I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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