Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
