Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
