I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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