only if we run a train.
done.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
