Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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