Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize