This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
