I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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