I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
