ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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